http://www.deadline.com/2011/04/more-theaters-threatening-movie-moguls/#comment-799646
There is a war going on in this industry, it is one waged by the Studios and the Theatres. Studios are now offering a window with DirecTV to show first run films 60 days day after their release. You can tell that the theatre chains are not happy. See ticket sales are down, and they were forced to pay million to upgrade their theatres to show 3D films and have to raise ticket prices to pay off the difference.
Sutdios make the most of the films money in the opening weekend, the theater gets the difference called the House Nut. As the weekends go by the House Nut gets bigger for the Theater. So a film that has legs will make more money for the distributor in the long run. This deal with DirecTV will cut into that, a business that is already under assault from declining ticket sales and piracy.
You see this should be a symbiotic relationship, Studios make films, but need a place to show them. Theatres show movies but need someone to make them. You wold think there would be a form of mutual understanding, No this is an industry that prefers backstabbing and one upmanship even if it hurts the industry in the long run.
Regal Cinemas has sent notice to Sony, WB, FOX and Universal that it will reduce the run time for any film
they show in their movie houses, this is just in time for Summer Movie Season, which will be a crowded one at that.
Some distributors are getting fed up and taking matters into their own hands. Since the Studios, are producing less and what they are making is not that GOOD, Netflix is now in the game making original content.
Dropping ticket sales are also due to other factors, one going to a theater today is a hassle. Why pay 60 per person (3D Ticket+concessions) to see a 90-120 minute movie when you cam plop down the same money for Call of Duty Black Ops and get several months of entertainment out of it.
No only that you have to deal with less than enthusiastic staff, who consist of underpaid and overworked HS age staff. Since the theater is losing money they are cutting staff during busy times to maximize profits just to get by.
Monday, April 11, 2011
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Parenting Advice from a Single male with no kids.
I have no kids, but I came to a realization if I had any I would not enroll them in cheer-leading or any of these extracurricular shizz.
Why because it COSTS too much dang frakking money.
I am a big fan of Penn and Tellers show Bullshit, The First Episode of Season 8, was about Cheerleading and it was an EYEOPENER.
In the Cheer-leading ep, P&T mention that two divorced parents were paying $10,000 on their two daughters. That is $5000 each. Lets put this in perspective I owe about $25,000 in student loans. Now each year these parents pay enough to knock off $10,000 of that. They could have paid it off in 2.5 years.
It isn't just cheerleading, I am seeing too many youth athletic activities that care more about fleecing every dollar they can get out of parents. Why because of burn-out rates. 80% of the kids whose parents enroll them in soccer, hockey etc. Will burn out and quit by 12. that is about 6 years. It means that those parents in 6 years will have paid $60,000 to Varsity Brands Inc. Some of that burn-out has to do with CASH.
Some parent will probably g on about college and scholarships and stuff, all I have to say is this.
Better way to pay for your kids future, take that 10k. Or whatever you will spend on that and spend it all one savings bonds, or a stable investment account and let it mature for 6 years. Do it every year with the money you would blow on that BS for 6 years. You will have enough to send maybe 1 kid to Yale or 3 to a state school. If you did not go to Yale, you kid is not going to Yale, If you went to Yale you probably make enough a year where Money is not much of a problem.
Better than blowing it one some gamble that they might get some sports scholarship. Trust me chances are slim.
In this episode of Bullshit they mention safety on how to become a Varsity Approved Coach all you need to do is sit through a class on a Sunday Morning and take a 3 hour open book test. None of it really covers first aid procedures. REALLY.
Another reason to stay away is safety, if kids want to play sports they are better off trying out for a team at their school, not some off school league made of volunteers. Why, background checks, With a scholasitic team the coaching staff is part of the faculty, to get that job they need to have certain credentials. Not only that they have to submit to a criminal background check. With some strip mall dojo or local community soccer league there is no City, Country, State or Federal law mandating these organizations have to do a background check on their volunteer staff. These volunteer orgs also do not mandate the staff have ANY FIRST AID training. Sports, people get hurt playing it, PROS who get paid millions get hurt, you can expect that that team has a army of medical practitioners on call to deal with any injury. Not saying that some city soccer league should have a medical staff, but the coaches and parents should know what to do if a kid gets injured and should be able to properly respond.
If you are doing this so Junior can get exercise, all kids need is 60 minutes a DAY, not $15,000 a year in some league that will put you into debt because you want to show off to Jimmy's Mom.
Why because it COSTS too much dang frakking money.
I am a big fan of Penn and Tellers show Bullshit, The First Episode of Season 8, was about Cheerleading and it was an EYEOPENER.
In the Cheer-leading ep, P&T mention that two divorced parents were paying $10,000 on their two daughters. That is $5000 each. Lets put this in perspective I owe about $25,000 in student loans. Now each year these parents pay enough to knock off $10,000 of that. They could have paid it off in 2.5 years.
It isn't just cheerleading, I am seeing too many youth athletic activities that care more about fleecing every dollar they can get out of parents. Why because of burn-out rates. 80% of the kids whose parents enroll them in soccer, hockey etc. Will burn out and quit by 12. that is about 6 years. It means that those parents in 6 years will have paid $60,000 to Varsity Brands Inc. Some of that burn-out has to do with CASH.
Some parent will probably g on about college and scholarships and stuff, all I have to say is this.
Better way to pay for your kids future, take that 10k. Or whatever you will spend on that and spend it all one savings bonds, or a stable investment account and let it mature for 6 years. Do it every year with the money you would blow on that BS for 6 years. You will have enough to send maybe 1 kid to Yale or 3 to a state school. If you did not go to Yale, you kid is not going to Yale, If you went to Yale you probably make enough a year where Money is not much of a problem.
Better than blowing it one some gamble that they might get some sports scholarship. Trust me chances are slim.
In this episode of Bullshit they mention safety on how to become a Varsity Approved Coach all you need to do is sit through a class on a Sunday Morning and take a 3 hour open book test. None of it really covers first aid procedures. REALLY.
Another reason to stay away is safety, if kids want to play sports they are better off trying out for a team at their school, not some off school league made of volunteers. Why, background checks, With a scholasitic team the coaching staff is part of the faculty, to get that job they need to have certain credentials. Not only that they have to submit to a criminal background check. With some strip mall dojo or local community soccer league there is no City, Country, State or Federal law mandating these organizations have to do a background check on their volunteer staff. These volunteer orgs also do not mandate the staff have ANY FIRST AID training. Sports, people get hurt playing it, PROS who get paid millions get hurt, you can expect that that team has a army of medical practitioners on call to deal with any injury. Not saying that some city soccer league should have a medical staff, but the coaches and parents should know what to do if a kid gets injured and should be able to properly respond.
If you are doing this so Junior can get exercise, all kids need is 60 minutes a DAY, not $15,000 a year in some league that will put you into debt because you want to show off to Jimmy's Mom.
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Red Dawn, Desperation at teh Homefront
http://www.latimes.com/entertainment/news/la-et-china-red-dawn-20110316,0,995726.story?goback=.gmp_1657547.gde_1657547_member_47363684
This LA times story states that the studio for Red Dawn changed the enemy China to North Korea to not offend the Chinese. Why would it matter? Because they know this film will under-perform and that need that international BO of China. If they execs knew that this film will make hundreds of millions on its opening weekend in the USA. The studio would not care about how China felt, but this move also has another reason. Recently there was a release of a Video game called Homefront. Now this game is about a future USA in 2027 that is invaded by a resurgent NK, the game goes into detail to explain this. The game was also written by John Milius the writer of Red Dawn.
So some exec saw the commercials for the game mentioning John Milius and thought, we need Chinese movie goers, and if we connect this movie with this game we can get their butts in seats as well.
All they are trying to do is Lessen the Blow for a film that will be released in a already crowded blockbuster movie season. The figure this game might also create some brand awareness for their film as well.
This LA times story states that the studio for Red Dawn changed the enemy China to North Korea to not offend the Chinese. Why would it matter? Because they know this film will under-perform and that need that international BO of China. If they execs knew that this film will make hundreds of millions on its opening weekend in the USA. The studio would not care about how China felt, but this move also has another reason. Recently there was a release of a Video game called Homefront. Now this game is about a future USA in 2027 that is invaded by a resurgent NK, the game goes into detail to explain this. The game was also written by John Milius the writer of Red Dawn.
So some exec saw the commercials for the game mentioning John Milius and thought, we need Chinese movie goers, and if we connect this movie with this game we can get their butts in seats as well.
All they are trying to do is Lessen the Blow for a film that will be released in a already crowded blockbuster movie season. The figure this game might also create some brand awareness for their film as well.
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Armchair Producer #1 Batman and Superman
We have the 3rd Christopher Nolan Batman Film and the 1st Nolan supervised Superman film. As for batman I personally if I was a producer. Here is how I would plan things. After the 3rd film wraps things up plan for a new trilogy, if Nolan wants to work in it great, if not find someone would will give the directors chair to another director who can give the same gritty dark tone. Since the last trilogy was about the beginnings of the Caped Crusader, this trilogy should be about the origin of the Boy Wonder, Dick Grayson. The death of this family and Bruce Wayne adopting him and teaching him to fight crime. This 2nd trilogy could also introduce other villains such as The Penguin, Riddler and even since it will be a few years after Dark Knight, bring back the Joker.
As for Superman, this is going to be a young Superman at the start of his career at the Daily Planet, so first of all you do not need t show the destruction of krypton and his growing up in Smallville. Because everyone on earth knows the origin story of Superman, as as well as the story of Jesus Christ. We also had 10 season of that on the WB/CW.
Villans lay off on the Lex Luthor, we had 4 films with Lex and 1 with a knock-off imitation of him. He should be in this new film but as a small supporting background villian, maybe have in short scenes mentioning LEXCORP, and have him at the end in a scene showing how He was manipulating events from the comforts of his penthouse office. The villains should be something big, Brainiac, Darksied, something big and powerful that Supes and punch.
Maybe then work toward a Batman/Superman film.
That is how I would do things.
As for Superman, this is going to be a young Superman at the start of his career at the Daily Planet, so first of all you do not need t show the destruction of krypton and his growing up in Smallville. Because everyone on earth knows the origin story of Superman, as as well as the story of Jesus Christ. We also had 10 season of that on the WB/CW.
Villans lay off on the Lex Luthor, we had 4 films with Lex and 1 with a knock-off imitation of him. He should be in this new film but as a small supporting background villian, maybe have in short scenes mentioning LEXCORP, and have him at the end in a scene showing how He was manipulating events from the comforts of his penthouse office. The villains should be something big, Brainiac, Darksied, something big and powerful that Supes and punch.
Maybe then work toward a Batman/Superman film.
That is how I would do things.
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Bargin Bin Movie Review #2: Super Mario Bros
Super Mario Bros - It is a good rule when you make a film based on a some intellectual property to have the development rights to, it is a good idea to research the subject matter. Like I don't know like PLAYING THE FREAKING GAME. With all the VG and movie cross tie-ins I am surprised they did not make a Game based on the Movie like they did with Street Fighter. You can tell this film was written by a committee that consisted of a 12 year old boy, The Writers , A studio exec, both directors , the building's cleaning person Consuela, the exec's mistress and a gay prostitute they picked up from a West Hollywood leather bar.
Notice how I mentioned both directors in that circus of the absurd. Sure some films have multiple writers, it is not unusual, this mess had three, but TWO DIRECTORS. Now you know as a viewer you are about to see celluloid diarrhea that will bring harm to your immortal soul, when a movie needs TWO DIRECTORS to finish it. This is the only film I know of that had TWO DIRECTORS listed that was not some film made of up compilation stories, like the Amazing Stories or Twilight Zone movie. Those movies are anthology of several smaller separate stories, and will have directors and writers for each separate vignette.
But this is ONE SINGLE FILM, with one SINGLE story. It turns out this was a husband and wife directorial team, I wonder of their marriage was able to survive this cinematic mess.
Despite all these extra writers and directors they still give us biggest glaring moment of idiocy, the title Is Super Mario BROTHERS but the film states they are FATHER and SON How could anyone make such a mistake, It is in the title SUPER MARIO B-R-O-T-H-E-R-S, Not Super Mario and Son. Their blood relation is described in the FREAKING TITLE.
Jesus freaking Lopez, How in Lord Xenu's name could you even get that wrong. Even Double Dragon did a better job at portraying the subject matter accurately. At least they got two brothers who use kung fu on people. Not like that game had much of a plot as the DD plot changed with each game, they did keep the post nuclear war storyline vaguely mentioned in the manual for one of the console port overs. That is a film that I will cover later, when I totally lose my mind and decide to watch that piece of trash again.
For those who never played an SMB game, the premise is this Mario and Luigi are two plumbers who take a pipe to the magical Mushroom Kingdom, to Rescue Princess Peach from the evil Lord King Koopa.
The films premise is about two NYC plumbers (at least they got that right), who discover a portal to an alternate blade runner rip-off world where the Dinos never died out and this dystopian city is ruled by some gangster/general wannabe called Koopa. basically they find the set of Theodore Rex. There is no princess but just Luigi's girlfriend who is some archaeologist or something. Koopa wants this piece of the original KT asteroid to create some substance to restore the dinosaurs. Koopa captures her and the Mario father and son, go an save her and whatever.
I am just glad they never made a CONTRA movie, I really cannot think how someone would have made a charlie foxtrot out of that.
My final rating: THIS MOVIE MAKES MY DICK HURT.
Notice how I mentioned both directors in that circus of the absurd. Sure some films have multiple writers, it is not unusual, this mess had three, but TWO DIRECTORS. Now you know as a viewer you are about to see celluloid diarrhea that will bring harm to your immortal soul, when a movie needs TWO DIRECTORS to finish it. This is the only film I know of that had TWO DIRECTORS listed that was not some film made of up compilation stories, like the Amazing Stories or Twilight Zone movie. Those movies are anthology of several smaller separate stories, and will have directors and writers for each separate vignette.
But this is ONE SINGLE FILM, with one SINGLE story. It turns out this was a husband and wife directorial team, I wonder of their marriage was able to survive this cinematic mess.
Despite all these extra writers and directors they still give us biggest glaring moment of idiocy, the title Is Super Mario BROTHERS but the film states they are FATHER and SON How could anyone make such a mistake, It is in the title SUPER MARIO B-R-O-T-H-E-R-S, Not Super Mario and Son. Their blood relation is described in the FREAKING TITLE.
Jesus freaking Lopez, How in Lord Xenu's name could you even get that wrong. Even Double Dragon did a better job at portraying the subject matter accurately. At least they got two brothers who use kung fu on people. Not like that game had much of a plot as the DD plot changed with each game, they did keep the post nuclear war storyline vaguely mentioned in the manual for one of the console port overs. That is a film that I will cover later, when I totally lose my mind and decide to watch that piece of trash again.
For those who never played an SMB game, the premise is this Mario and Luigi are two plumbers who take a pipe to the magical Mushroom Kingdom, to Rescue Princess Peach from the evil Lord King Koopa.
The films premise is about two NYC plumbers (at least they got that right), who discover a portal to an alternate blade runner rip-off world where the Dinos never died out and this dystopian city is ruled by some gangster/general wannabe called Koopa. basically they find the set of Theodore Rex. There is no princess but just Luigi's girlfriend who is some archaeologist or something. Koopa wants this piece of the original KT asteroid to create some substance to restore the dinosaurs. Koopa captures her and the Mario father and son, go an save her and whatever.
I am just glad they never made a CONTRA movie, I really cannot think how someone would have made a charlie foxtrot out of that.
My final rating: THIS MOVIE MAKES MY DICK HURT.
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Movies that need the rifftrax treatment.
I have been exploring the Rifftrax site I noticed that there are some films that yet do not have riffs.
Dungeons and Dragons - before Eragon, Jeremy Irons was in another really bad fantasy film. This one makes Eragon look like LOTR.
Wing Commander - This Das Boot in space, just made us more eager for Star Wars Episode I to come out, then Episode I came out and we sci-fans clamoring for space opera realized there is NO NEW HOPE.
Zoom: Academy for Superheroes - It's like Sky High just much more worse. That in itself is an accomplishment.
KISS Meets the Phantom of the Park - There must be video on demand of this, especially if it is a copy with commercials just like the SWHC. Paul Stanley on a VH1 special said this was billed as "A Hard Days Night Meets Star Wars, it was anything but". Phantom is more like The Sgt Peppers Lonely hearts club bands meets the Star Wars Holiday Special and then decide to visit an abandoned amusement park and do nothing but drink Thunderbird and Mad Dog 20/20.
Speaking of more quick cash-ins:
The Garbage Pail Kids Movie - A film based on those gross cabbage patch kids sticker parodies. That I blew way too many quarters on. After seeing the nostalgia critic review of this turd, I say this is a film that I wish did not exist. Yet I knew kids in school that loved this film. Most of them are either in jail or dead now.
The Wizard - This movie has Fred Savage, yet to be known for The Wonder Years plays a supporting role to a mental case, a girl and the headlining star NINTENDO! The Power Glove is so rad, and the only reason to watch this film was to get a glimpse of the hot new Super Mario Bros 3. yet Jimmy and his friends somehow know where secrets are in this yet known unreleased game.
Speaking of those plumbers...
Super Mario Bros - It is a good rule when you make a film based on a some intellectual property to have the development rights to, it is a good idea to research the subject matter. You should do things like... don't know PLAY THE FREAKING GAME. With all the VG and movie cross tie-ins I am surprised they did not make a Game based on the Movie like they did with Street Fighter. You can tell this film was written by a committee that consisted of a 12 year old boy, A studio exec, the director , the building's cleaning person Consuela, the exec's mistress and a gay prostitute they picked up from a West Hollywood leather bar.
This is the only film I know of that had TWO DIRECTORS listed that was not some film made of up compilation stories, like the Amazing Stories or Twilight Zone movie. This is ONE FREAKING MOVIE. Biggest glaring moment of idiocy, the title Is Super Mario BROTHERS
but the film states they are FATHER and SON
How could anyone make such a mistake, It is in the title SUPER MARIO BROTHERS, Not Super Mario and Son.
Hannah Montana the Movie - Why not? now you can throw in Miley Bong Jokes.
Waterworld - Please tell me why they have not riffed this epic disaster? What is your excuse, rifftrax? what is Kevin Costner's excuse for making He sure did not learn his lesson as he gave us The Postman. Untouchables is the last film he made that does not make me want to THROW UP.
Film that might be hard to get a copy of:
Inchon (1982) This Korean War film produced by the Unification Church was plagued with controversy and problems, the 46 million dollar film only made 2 million and was plagued, by bad acting, bad writing with such factual errors as news-reporters wearing 1970's era clothing. This film was so bad that The Washington times and paper owned by Rev. Moon even trashed this film. When your own bought and paid for media mouthpiece will not praise this film, you really failed. Money wise this film was a bigger waste of cash than Heaven's Gate, unlike HG this film is so bad that it was never released on VHS, BETAMAX, LASERDISC, DVD, flipbooks, or any known format. Only bootlegs exist taped from the Unification Church's television station when they decide to show this travesty.
Speaking of religious motivated films.....
Omega Code and its Sequel, Left Behind films etc. - I am not a man of faith by any stretch, I do firmly believe in respecting another persons religious beliefs but these films are so bad that well they need to be shredded. As for Omega Code even one of the guys on TBN ripped into this film. If we get anymore bad christian films, I will not be surprised God himself comes down to Earth with a lawyer, to sue the people responsible over the misuse of intellectual property, copyright infringement, breach of contract or something. You know The Almighty could have a rock solid case here, He could have a problem getting a lawyer as most if not all are probably in Hell.
Films that must just be hard to riff due to tragic events,
Galaxina - A really bad and cheap exploitative sci-fi sex comedy starring Playmate Dorothy Stratten, might be unriffable as Dorothy was murdered by her psycho ex-husband shortly before the films release.
The Conqueror (1956) This is the horribly miscast film produced by Howard Hughes that has John Wayne Playing Ghengis Khan. Also like Galaxina might be pretty hard to riff as this film is wrapped in tragedy. Considering that Howard had the film shot downwind from above ground nuke testing and it gave many who worked on the film CANCER. WARNING: You also might get cancer from actually watching it.
Films still in Pre-Production that will have to be Shredded.
The Family Circus - Just as the stench of the dog turd that was the Marmaduke, still has not left the theatres
someone thought it was a good idea to green light another comic strip. This time with one that only became funny on the Dysfuctional Family Circus website, Riffs should include guest riffer Bil's special friend "Uncle" Roy Washington and the Psychic Fern with mentions of trippin a nutsak in a frenzy of dikplay, Log of fags, and pennants and dish the dirt that Sperm Burping Gutter Slut, Thel. Check the DFC Archive.
Gypsy Remake with Babs Streisand - Why not.
Dungeons and Dragons - before Eragon, Jeremy Irons was in another really bad fantasy film. This one makes Eragon look like LOTR.
Wing Commander - This Das Boot in space, just made us more eager for Star Wars Episode I to come out, then Episode I came out and we sci-fans clamoring for space opera realized there is NO NEW HOPE.
Zoom: Academy for Superheroes - It's like Sky High just much more worse. That in itself is an accomplishment.
KISS Meets the Phantom of the Park - There must be video on demand of this, especially if it is a copy with commercials just like the SWHC. Paul Stanley on a VH1 special said this was billed as "A Hard Days Night Meets Star Wars, it was anything but". Phantom is more like The Sgt Peppers Lonely hearts club bands meets the Star Wars Holiday Special and then decide to visit an abandoned amusement park and do nothing but drink Thunderbird and Mad Dog 20/20.
Speaking of more quick cash-ins:
The Garbage Pail Kids Movie - A film based on those gross cabbage patch kids sticker parodies. That I blew way too many quarters on. After seeing the nostalgia critic review of this turd, I say this is a film that I wish did not exist. Yet I knew kids in school that loved this film. Most of them are either in jail or dead now.
The Wizard - This movie has Fred Savage, yet to be known for The Wonder Years plays a supporting role to a mental case, a girl and the headlining star NINTENDO! The Power Glove is so rad, and the only reason to watch this film was to get a glimpse of the hot new Super Mario Bros 3. yet Jimmy and his friends somehow know where secrets are in this yet known unreleased game.
Speaking of those plumbers...
Super Mario Bros - It is a good rule when you make a film based on a some intellectual property to have the development rights to, it is a good idea to research the subject matter. You should do things like... don't know PLAY THE FREAKING GAME. With all the VG and movie cross tie-ins I am surprised they did not make a Game based on the Movie like they did with Street Fighter. You can tell this film was written by a committee that consisted of a 12 year old boy, A studio exec, the director , the building's cleaning person Consuela, the exec's mistress and a gay prostitute they picked up from a West Hollywood leather bar.
This is the only film I know of that had TWO DIRECTORS listed that was not some film made of up compilation stories, like the Amazing Stories or Twilight Zone movie. This is ONE FREAKING MOVIE. Biggest glaring moment of idiocy, the title Is Super Mario BROTHERS
but the film states they are FATHER and SON
How could anyone make such a mistake, It is in the title SUPER MARIO BROTHERS, Not Super Mario and Son.
Hannah Montana the Movie - Why not? now you can throw in Miley Bong Jokes.
Waterworld - Please tell me why they have not riffed this epic disaster? What is your excuse, rifftrax? what is Kevin Costner's excuse for making He sure did not learn his lesson as he gave us The Postman. Untouchables is the last film he made that does not make me want to THROW UP.
Film that might be hard to get a copy of:
Inchon (1982) This Korean War film produced by the Unification Church was plagued with controversy and problems, the 46 million dollar film only made 2 million and was plagued, by bad acting, bad writing with such factual errors as news-reporters wearing 1970's era clothing. This film was so bad that The Washington times and paper owned by Rev. Moon even trashed this film. When your own bought and paid for media mouthpiece will not praise this film, you really failed. Money wise this film was a bigger waste of cash than Heaven's Gate, unlike HG this film is so bad that it was never released on VHS, BETAMAX, LASERDISC, DVD, flipbooks, or any known format. Only bootlegs exist taped from the Unification Church's television station when they decide to show this travesty.
Speaking of religious motivated films.....
Omega Code and its Sequel, Left Behind films etc. - I am not a man of faith by any stretch, I do firmly believe in respecting another persons religious beliefs but these films are so bad that well they need to be shredded. As for Omega Code even one of the guys on TBN ripped into this film. If we get anymore bad christian films, I will not be surprised God himself comes down to Earth with a lawyer, to sue the people responsible over the misuse of intellectual property, copyright infringement, breach of contract or something. You know The Almighty could have a rock solid case here, He could have a problem getting a lawyer as most if not all are probably in Hell.
Films that must just be hard to riff due to tragic events,
Galaxina - A really bad and cheap exploitative sci-fi sex comedy starring Playmate Dorothy Stratten, might be unriffable as Dorothy was murdered by her psycho ex-husband shortly before the films release.
The Conqueror (1956) This is the horribly miscast film produced by Howard Hughes that has John Wayne Playing Ghengis Khan. Also like Galaxina might be pretty hard to riff as this film is wrapped in tragedy. Considering that Howard had the film shot downwind from above ground nuke testing and it gave many who worked on the film CANCER. WARNING: You also might get cancer from actually watching it.
Films still in Pre-Production that will have to be Shredded.
The Family Circus - Just as the stench of the dog turd that was the Marmaduke, still has not left the theatres
someone thought it was a good idea to green light another comic strip. This time with one that only became funny on the Dysfuctional Family Circus website, Riffs should include guest riffer Bil's special friend "Uncle" Roy Washington and the Psychic Fern with mentions of trippin a nutsak in a frenzy of dikplay, Log of fags, and pennants and dish the dirt that Sperm Burping Gutter Slut, Thel. Check the DFC Archive.
Gypsy Remake with Babs Streisand - Why not.
Bargin Bin Movie Review: Iron Eagle
Iron Eagle, I saw this film as a kid and I thought WOW COOL. Since I am older and know better I look back this is the biggest and worst Top Gun cash-in ever. The entire plot is pretty filled with implausible crap. Some USAF Colonel gets shot down and taken prisoner, his 17 year-old son who just graduated High School, who is somehow allowed to fly F-16's, and log time in simulators like it is the local arcade. He is frustrated with the government's apparent lack of action goes on a insane mission to some Mideast country where He and Lou Gossett Jr single handedly wipe out this nation's Air Power, land and pick up his dad and fly home, dog fight the Head of State of this country and blow his ass out of the sky, by doing things that are techinically impossible with a F-16 Falcon.
Seriously if a kid and a instructor could take on this entire country's military you think they Pentagon would already be planning a Spec Ops mission led by Chuck Norris to get him out or at least the State Dept would be negotiating for his release.
What is his reward, for stealing two F-16s and causing an international incident they ship his ass off to the USAF Academy. Not a hard labor military prison where Rambo ended up after his shooting spree in First Blood. (Although he died in the book)
This film is more Last Starfighter than Top Gun, except Last Starfighter had the sci-fi stuff making it more believable.
Here is a list of some of the implausible shizz in this movie:
3rd Well I never even bothered to watch that one.
After Action Report: MISSION TOTALLY FUBAR
Seriously if a kid and a instructor could take on this entire country's military you think they Pentagon would already be planning a Spec Ops mission led by Chuck Norris to get him out or at least the State Dept would be negotiating for his release.
What is his reward, for stealing two F-16s and causing an international incident they ship his ass off to the USAF Academy. Not a hard labor military prison where Rambo ended up after his shooting spree in First Blood. (Although he died in the book)
This film is more Last Starfighter than Top Gun, except Last Starfighter had the sci-fi stuff making it more believable.
Here is a list of some of the implausible shizz in this movie:
- F-16 are flown by officers, who get their commission by either ROTC, USAFA, or OCS no HS grad with a mediocre academic standing is going to be allowed to touch them, not even if their daddy is one of the joint chiefs. Even before officers even sit in simulators, they take hours of classes on how to prevent G-LOC, Air Combat Manuvers and basic fundamentals of flight.
- Fighters are expensive, they require fuel, ammunition and constant maintenance, so pilots train hundreds of hours on Sims. Also Simulator time is also at a premium, so they are not going let the Full Bird's son use the Simulator room like it is his personal arcade.
- The Weapon hard-points on a F-16 are aimed slightly downward, that missile Doug fired on the tarmac of the Evil Mideast Nation(TM) would have slammed into the pavement exploding and taking out Doug and his Pappy.
- If two F-16 were capable of doing that to this nation A delta force team led by Chuck Norris could have easily wiped this country's ass in a matter of minutes. The State Dept would have gotten him released by telling the Evil Leader(TM) , "You release Col. Masters or we send Chuck Norris to kick your ass." He would be on a 1st Class Flight back the Ramstien AFB by the next morning.
3rd Well I never even bothered to watch that one.
After Action Report: MISSION TOTALLY FUBAR
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