Sunday, October 4, 2009

Chronicles in Fail #1 - Bulletball

I was a but confused myself about it this one for my first Chronicle in Fail, first we have the FAIL a reality show, American Inventor, a Inventor and a rejection of a invention that FAILS on every level. When we get the faggotry, the inventor in his self delusion does not give up and decides to sell in invention on a website at a ridiculous markup.

Once upon a time there was a show called The American Inventor, a show where contestants pitched their ideas, some good, some crazy and one invention that was the epitome of FAIL. Enter Marc Griffin and his baby BULLETBALL, the "High Caliber table game for the 21st Century Lifestyle."

Well the youtube video of Marc's pitch says it all

Good Lord on a pogostick, this is going to be a Olympic sport?? Passing a ball back and forth on a cheap Formica table? High Caliber? Then he dishes out a sob story on how he spent 26 years on this game he and his ex-wife (Oh my, I wonder why that happened.) he sold everything to develop this game that was created when him and his ex-wife were drunk on wine playing with a cat's toy.

But after getting a smackdown from the judges, this self delusion is on display as he is CONVINCED that this game will make it because it is just THAT GOOD.

Does he give up no because he now sells this game on his website. Here is where this subject brushes with faggotry.

If you surf to the website you see it all. make sure you listen to the Bulletball "RAP" Okay....He wants $299 for this shit.

The standard model BulletBall table is made of a white ¾ inch Melamine top. The siderails attach to the side of the table and come standard with a choice of either one of the BulletBall logos (red, white, and blue or yellow, red and black). The American Flag is optional for an additional $20. The legs are available in the white, black, blue, green, and light maple wood grain finish.

Customizable logos on the siderails (see example above) are available for an additional cost.

The white top standard model table comes with hardware, 8 BulletBall balls, written instructions, DVD instructional video, and a certificate of authenticity. This table is available for a "limited time" reduced price of $299.99!!! plus shipping and handling.
At least you get more than just a table, a video and a Certificate of Authenticity that this is a REAL Olympic Regulation Bulletball table. Accept no Imitations.

If that is so slow four you and you want to play in the big league Bulletball circuits settle for no less than the Professional Bulletball Extreme Table.

The professional model BulletBall Extreme table is our top of the line table. It has a multi-purpose use and can be customized to match your home decor. It has a durable Formica laminated surface which comes in several colors to choose from: White, Black, Red, Green, Blue, and a Light Maple Wood Grain Finish with the same choice of colors for the legs. The legs are trimmed in matching T-mold as tabletop.

This table comes with two removable siderails, with our standard two-choice of BulletBall Extreme logos (red, white, and blue or yellow, red and black).

Customizable logos are available for an additional cost.

The Extreme table comes with a 16-ball holding tray, 16 multi-color BulletBall (balls), BulletBall ball catcher, hardware, written instructions, DVD visual instructions, and a certificate of authenticity, for a total price of $525 plus shipping and handling.
It is top of the line, were are talking about some serious fo' shizzle here. The only EXTREME I see here is the PRICE. $525 for this and you can get customized logos for additional cost. get some flames on that thing and be the pimpest Bulletballer on the BLOCK.

If that is too pricey for you can go for the bargain model

The BulletBall Tabletop model is a simple, fold-up, lightweight, white game board version table with clip on siderails, which sits on top of your existing table. The siderails come in our standard two logo colors (red, white and blue or yellow, red, and black). This table comes with folding table, siderails, clips, 6 BulletBall balls, assembly instructions, and rules. The cost of this table top version is $59.99 and includes shipping and handling to anywhere in the United States.
Can't you just play Bulletball on a normal table? Because this game is so high caliber that it will just burn through any normal table. Thats why the game is just THAT GOOD.

Also the table can also become a multi-purpose table for homework, casual dining and other activities you will find to make use of this overpriced table after you find no one to play this High Caliber game with.

But the game is finding a audience, as Bulletball has been adopted at several Chicago area Rehabilitation centers and even the US Army's Walter Reed Medical Center. Showing that his game is now the High Caliber table sport of the Lowest Bidder.
525 for a table after paying for a 1000 toilet seat this is a STEAL.

So Marc Griffin you are a Chronicle in FAIL!

Profiles in Faggotry #1

What do you get when you mix fursuiting, bowlcuts and hardcore Christianity. You get paden Reilly aka Crusader Cat. Like Kirk Cameron, Paden was just another fursuiter who one day found Jesus (probably in Dayton OH, under a bus). Just like Kirk Cameron (who will probably end up in the Fail Chronicles) he thought that Jesus totally wanted him to act like a total dick towards anything and everyone. His claim to faggotry comes from being banned from furraffinity for being true to his namesake pestering the administrators to remove all anti-christian art.

On September 11th, 2009,(nevar forget) Crusadercat decided that over 30 people on FurAffinity were harassing him by making furry porn depicting his character. Rule 34 people. (he claims that he holds the copyright to all brown cats with blond hair in art) and "bashing Christians", which is basically anything that he finds even slightly offensive.

So he does what every furry does when they get pissed off about art or what someone says: cry out about copyright infringement, completely disregard the First Amendment and demand that anything that offends him gets removed from the site immediately because NOBODY should be allowed to make fun of Christians and if he doesn't get his way, he'll get on the phone with his lawyer... to sue a private website that the government has zero control over and isn't breaking any IRL laws.

In June 2009 a video is posted on youtube that implies Crusadercat is indeed sexually attracted to felines.

At age 16, he got two kittens for his birthday. And human... um... sexuality wasn't enough for him. It wouldn't satisfy him. He just thought about it so much. When his cats would lie on top of him - the body, it would arouse him when he was pawing off, so he would start kissing them... and then eventually he just decided that he would commit bestiality. It wasn't easy because they would claw... they weren't declawed yet. Crusadercatgiving detail into how he rapes kittens.

He would commit bestiality in several ways. Including, um, dry-humping, hand jobs and attempted oral sex. He tried various positions. Uh, except for intercourse, because the cats were too small. He was so out of control he wanted to have himself castrated or sterilized to stop the abuse of his poor cats. Crusadercat explaining that he wanted his balls cut off.

More often that not religious zealotry is a cover for the usual real or serious character flaws. For Paden it is hardcore cat screwing.

So crusadercar hats off, you are a true profile in faggotry.

New Plans

I plan on doing for this blog two new articles. One called Profiles in Faggotry, stories of people who push the boundaries of socially absurd behavior to their own detriment. (really nothing to do with any homphobic slurs) and the Chronicles of Fail, stories about people, companies or ideas who pretty much fall on thier face.

Friday, October 2, 2009

Olympics: Obama's Agony of Defeat

Chicago, was the front runner for the 2016 games according to the news SNL filmed a skit with Oprah cheering Chicago's win. They were that sure according to the news sources.

Now it is speculated after hearing from right wing pundits such as Glen Beck and Michelle Malkin about the graft and corruption between the IOC and Obama's cronies.
After Obama's and the First Lady's self centered speech. "Pick Chicago so my daughters can see the games in their backyard." or Michelle's "my father has MS" failed. It probably was what caused Chicago to get kicked to the curb on the 1st round, they were front runner until their pitch which was flat to say the least.

If you think Chicago was bad, for the past week the news heard storied about a teen who was beaten to death while dozens watched and filmed it. Rio in reality is many ways worse, they have slums that make Chicago's worse ghettos look like Park Avenue. Brazil's unseamly side will come out when the world arrives in 2016.

Maybe we can one day see bangkok Thailand get the games, I'd like to see a Thai Delegation try to sell their city. Entertainment, our tranny donkey shows are renowned through out the world. Sport? We have women who can shoot ping pong balls out of their wing wongs and the boys and girls Mens and Womens Gymnastics will also give you private floor excerize for a fee.

Another two reason the USA lost, Atlanta 1996 and Salt Lake 2002. The IOC was not happy the way Atlanta run the games with logistical Charlie Foxtrots and that security issue of the Olympic Park bombing. SLC had they huge scandal with graft bribery and corruption and it took GOP Governor Mitt Romney to pull those games out of the fire and actually turned a profit.

The IOC looked at Chi-Town saw the graft and crony-ism and fact the city is financially strapped and said HELL to the NO! This is another Athens waiting to happen. After 5 years 22 of 23 venues are left deserted and are now decaying. The EU has been left with a $600 million bill for "basic maintenance".