Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Movies you need to see before you die, some you should never.

What you need to see.

Deliverance - Why? Because it is in the Library of Congress as a culturally relevant film. This John Boorman Directed Burt Reynolds film about hikers who explore nature and get into serious trouble is famous for the Ned Beatty "Squeal like a Pig Scene"

Listen to this.... WARNING PENIS!

This was Boorman's follow up to his award winning Deliverance. Good film to show to friends to see the looks on their face. A valid reason why you should never do drugs. Because you might greenlight a film like this.

The Deer Hunter - remember the Russian roulette scene from COD: Black Ops? It was taken from this film.

Heavens Gate -WHY? This is what the success of the Deer Hunter made possible.

So you can see for yourself why this film tanked United Artists.

HEAD the Monkees movie - WHY? It was created by the Monkees manager and Jack Nicholson (Yes that Jack Nicholson) while smoking a large amounts of WEED. It shows.

The movies you should never see, because viewing them will cause psychological harm.

E.T. The Porno - WHY? LOOK AT THIS PHOTO....

NO REALLY LOOK AT IT! Now imagine people having SEX with that? Actually don't. This film is not meant for human consumption. Who even thought this was a good idea?

Those Animated Titanic Movies. In Titanic the Legend Goes On... there are mexican mice and a rapping dog. If you think that is bad there are more of the like four to be exact. Might be more but I do not want to find out.

It's Party Time!

Star Odyssey - A italian made space film that was nothing more than to quick cash in on the popularity of Star Wars like ever other cash in before it. One notable thing, the film predated the Soprano's cut off ending by 20 years. As the film ends mid-sentence as the movie just gets bored with itself.

The one other movie besides Twilight: Eclipse that I want to bring physical harm to.

Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny - A really cheap kiddie matinee holiday film that is child abuse just to show to kids. A Sweaty Santa crashes in the now nonexistent Pirates World park in Florida and tells some horrid Thumbelina story while he waits for a deformed bunny in a red fire truck to bail him out. If you lose your mind and want to watch this turd, at least get the rifftrax video on demand.

Theodore Rex - The Whoopi Golderg sci-fi Dinosaur buddy cop film that I first saw on TNT at 3am after I got back to my DORM room from a night out. For a long time I actually thought my brain was making this shiz up.

The Baby Geniuses Films: Go ahead if you want to melt your brain.

I'll post up more when I think of some more.

Friday, July 8, 2011

Shows that CORP America needs to watch

There is two programs on TV that every CEO of a US company especially the Big 3 AUTO and DC and MARVEL

These shows are Restaurant Impossible and Hell's Kitchen.

If you look at the BIG 3 Autos they are suffering from some of the same problems as these failing restaurants.
Stale Product, Bad Service, Dirty kitchens as the result of complacency. Negative Public Perception that is the result of this.

Stale Product - many of these places are serving guests, frozen and canned foods in a restaurant with decor still stuck in the 70's This only caters to diners who are aging and with numbers getting smaller with no new blood coming in.

BIG 3 are only selling cars that appeal to a older and shrinking customer base while they let the younger Gen Y buyers move over to the Japanese products. Which have trendier modern designs, are more in their price range have been aggressively marketed to them. Their car designs are all stuck in some retro 70's look with business practices that are still stuck in the 80's with ads even targeted to the boomer generation.

I saw this problem when I went to the North American Auto Show a few years ago, all the Japanese companies were all marketing and promoting their vehicles to the younger buyers. The BG 3 US companies all that displays aimed at anyone older than 45.

Same with Comics their fanbase has a average age of 35. No new readers (kids) ca get involved because the continunity is too convoluted and the content is too mature for them, the product costs too much for them.

SOLUTION - RESTART fraking everything. With comics MARVEL and DC need to really do a restart from #1. DC is doing this but they are only going halfway with it and keeping some of the old backstories. BATMAN has to start at the beginning of his career. Clark Kent has to start with him getting hires at the Daily Planet News Service. Not a Newspaper, as they are dying out and the internet is taking over. but more of a massive global news and media service part of a larger corporate conglomerate run by a Rupert Murdochish Lex Luthor. Clark has he is still some underling news writer is forced to write biased stories about Superman. Hal Jordan should be just getting out of the USAF and starting his job as a test pilot at Ferris so on and so forth. Wonder Woman has just left Paradise Island to enter man's world. Her first job, is off to Afganistan to help women fighting aganist taliban oppression where she meets Capt. Steve Trevor of the US ARMY Special Operations.

BIG 3 - UPDATE your entire vehicle line, maybe keep the Mustang for the older drivers. The FOCUS and Sedans need a MAJOR UPDATE in designs.Keep the Trucks, Vans as those are also solid sales for commercial buyers as F150s are WORK vehicles. Scrap the SUVs, they are large pricey gas guzzling soccercow mobiles. That Gen Y is not interested  because they will not need one for awhile. Because of this economic recession they not having kids that much.

INNOVATE - Chevy VOLT is a good idea, but it is a pricey SPORTS CAR for a hippie having a midlife crisis. Make a smaller cheaper version for the younger crowd it will SELL.

GET NEW BLOOD - The BIG 3 need to aggressively market to the younger generation. They will also have to change the public perception that US cars are overpriced junk made by illiterate High School Dropout UAW workers. The Eminem Chrysler commercial was a HIT, you need to do the same with some younger celebs. Try to get some tween stars to do commercials, Selena Gomez, Demi Lovato Miley Cyrus etc... Why? Because their fans do not have licenses yet.

Big Three Autos lose Generation Y.

People want to blame all this on high priced UAW labor...there is one cause of this. Lack of marketing and lack of any innovative designs. If you look at all the US car ads vs the Japanese ones, the US ads and cars are all designed for Grandpa in mind. While the Japanese ones are aggressively targeting the youth market.

Here are things the Big 3 needs to do:

Stop whining to the Govt for more bailouts and to change trade laws. Guess what, the US is no longer the sole industrial power anymore. Things worked great for so long because the Big 3 had a monopoly and did not need to really compete for the US carbuyer.

Fundamentally reinvent and rethink your marketing - Most of the US car designs look DATED and still look like something from 20 years ago. These Jap cars are all modern hip and are made for the wired twitter generation with hookups for their MP3 players. So far look at all the sports models, they all have that retro muscle car look. Looks someone who got their drivers license in 1968 not 2008. The main buyer for US cars are baby boomers who are all getting older and going to start dying off. There is no NEW blood coming to take their place.

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Comics and Pro Sports, an on and off again relationship that does not work

 Reports are that we have Marvel teaming up with the Dallas Cowboys to do something.

We have Stan Lee's NHL superhero project.

Do they sound like really bad ideas? Have you heard of this before?

A team-up of Comics and the Sports World, well it has been done before all with the same results. Every time comic and the pro sports world joined forces it always becomes some epic corporate shill fiasco.

Lets all go back to the 1990's and revisit Marvel's last attempt at this called NFL SuperPro.

That picture says it all, With a costume like that crime would be defeated by laughing itself to death.

Truth is the writer Fabian Nicenza only worked on it to get free NFL tickets and it shows. The stories and characters were pretty much  BRAINCURDLING STUPID. Here's an example one issue had villains stealing some rare and valuable NFL merch and then burning it? Yeah. Burn some rare memorabilia and not sell it. Or they could have had a counterfeit sports card ring that SuperPro could smash....

Well here is SuperPro's team the Happy Helpers:
  • Almighty Dollar, aka Pennington Pennypacker, a CPA who could shoot pennies from his hands (Pennies, Really. When Quarters are worth more and can do damage)
  • Calculator, aka Kwong Dae, a Korean actuary and super-thinker with the power to immediately assess probabilities. (Not at all a racist stereotype not only that his assessing probabilities SuperPro seems to have joined forces with NFL SuperBookie.)
  • Girth, aka 'Tubby' Walsh, an obese African-American with a belly immune to physical punishment.
  • Streak, aka Frank Moody, a mortician, jogger and super-fast runner (With a name like Streak, We are just glad he shows up wearing clothes. Justice League feels the same way about The Flash.)
Not only were these guys super powered mutants, but if they went Professor X's school. They probably went to the section reserved for the "special" students. The School for mutants of the retarded kind.

These were the villains, these Heroes went up aganist. These guys were not any better.

  • Quick Kick, a football placekicker turned ninja. (That's an interesting career switch)
  • Bennings, a footballer turned into an insane giant by steroid abuse (A walking talking anti-rods PSA)
  • Instant Replay, the assassin who can slice through time.
  • Marco Sanzionare, a crime boss whose dealings are constantly thwarted by Superpro (Not a good one when your schemes are thwarted by SuperPro and his Helpers.)

Well the series was an EPIC FAIL, and is called one of the stupidest comics ever created. NFL SuperPro only lasted 12 issues.

There are reasons why these projects always fail.
  • 1. Stories are always nothing more than Corporate Shilling and a quick and desperate cash grab. These comics are created at a marketing meeting not the result of some real creative genus. The writing is weak just like its bastard cousin the Comic PSA. The ones where Spiderman fights illiteracy and Capt America tells some kid we was molested. At least those comics can use "for a good cause defense". Idea is about as stupid as Pepsi-Cola teaming up with DC and made characters based on their Soft-Drinks. The book would be one long Ad like The Radio Shack TRS-80 Whiz kids.
  • 2. Comic Readers on an average age are now 35. Here is one truth, COMIC Die-Hards do not give two craps about sports. Vice Versa Sports Fans usually do not care about comics. In the end you have a product that just does not sell to anyone. These plans are created by come marketing team that thinks "Comic Shops sell sports stuff too lets do a NFL comic!"
SO 12 issues that is the target for marvel's Dallas Cowboys scheme and Stan Lee's NHL brainfart. Let's see if they can break that record

Further Reading:

Saturday, July 2, 2011

Superhero summer goes bust

This article is right on all parts.

Here is one point I want to comment on....


Why? Cost vs Value, you see if you wanted to see some 3D superhero movie you would pay $10-15 for the ticket and and another #15 for concessions. That is $30+ per person to go see a movie that they then have to burn gas just to get to a place that shows them. The days of the local movie palace that was walking distance from your house are LONG GONE. 

If you are 16-25 it makes more sense to spend $60 on the next Call of Duty and get months of entertainment online for months at end than spend half that for 90-120 minutes of entertainment. If they really wanted to see it than they will just wait for netflix or "acquire" it on bittorrent.

Comics in Peril, a potential savior.

One of the reason for comic book becoming impenetrable to younger audience is content. As the die hard comic readers grew up their tastes changed and the books changed with them. us an effect of their primary customer getting and no new fans entering the fold. This also leads to the bigger problem in impenetrability for new younger fans.

Not only do you have comics that are tied into a continuity that goes back decades but they are filled with content that is just not appropriate from someone 6-13.Now we have stories with openly gay super heroes, graphic violence and other books being used by artists and writers to espouse their own political and social views. Not only does this make the newer books inappropriate to children but it also turns off any new adult readers who now open up a book to see Spiderman drooling over Obama or Capt American becoming a 911 truther.

If you look at the comic racks at the book or comic store you do not see any comics even being made for kids. There is one potential savior, Disney recently acquired MARVEL. Disney could with their successful shows and ownership of MARVEL could easily mend this by making comics based on their hit children shows such as Hannah Montana, Wizards of Waverly Place etc. or just make more age appropriate books with easily accessible stories based on the marvel line. So far all they have done is an Avengers toon on Disney XD and use their channels to promote marvel movies such as THOR and some new website where you can make your own comic. Now this does have the potential to bring kids into the MARVEL fold at least when it comes to other related properties. You never saw a Hannah Montana or Wizards of Waverly Place comic because even their execs are being told comics do not sell. In the end their acquisition of MARVEL was just another property they can merchandise out.

DC's Big Reboot

All comic fans know that the end of the summer DC comics will be restarting all their main titles back to #1. At the San Deigo Comic Con all the fan boys are having a protest over this, saying that they are being disprespected or something.

Here is the thing in the big picture, the fan boys do not matter. You see the average comic reader is about 35, not getting younger and the number is shrinking. Comics as a medium is DYING, they need to get fresh blood. Here is a problem COMICS ARE JUST TOO HARD TO GET INTO.

If you cannot follow let me explain, it is not just that kids would rather play their PS3's and XBOXES.
1. Comic are too pricey for kids to casually pick up. The days of picking up a 10 cent book at a spinner rack in a local drug store are long gone. Now you have to go to a specialty store that is not in bike or walking distance from the kids house.

2. Comics just cost too much, at the age of 8-13 $3 bucks a book just costs too much. For the price of a graphic novel collection some kid would rather buy a used video game at gamestop for that much.

3. The books are just too hard to get into. If you look at any superhero comic, just open it up and read it.
if you haven not followed along with the said hero for years you will be lost because that book is tied into a continuity that goes back decades and deals with events that happened before I was born let alone one 12 year old boy. I know this is a problem when I can open up any long running DC title and there will be a word or text clowd with a * that leads to another * that says *Seen in Action Comics #478. Now I have to hunt down some book from another decade just to catch up on what is going on.

#3 is why the reboot is important, but I am afraid like the Crisis on Infinite Earths that DC did in the 1980's to clean up another convoluted alternate universe mess they did in order to please the older readers of the golden age while getting new readers with the new shiny Silver Age. It promised permanent changes that writers are already slowly undoing in the next months issues. I am afraid that DC will half-ass it, as there are already rumors that the Batman restart will still acknowledge much of the past continuity with the previous Robins and Batman Inc.

#1 should be the new #1. Superman should start out as the Worlds First Superhero. Bruce Wayne should be coming back the Gotham and creating his caped persona that will be known as Batman. This should be a new begining as the Silver Age was to the Golden Age one.

One thing DC is doing right is offering digital versions of their books, there are KIDS that will not read a comic but put that online and they will eat it up. Maybe make Kindle readers that can eventually do COLOR and now you can read comics that way.

Newspapers are suffering the same problem, NO ONE reads them when you can get your news online from yahoo or elsewhere.

If comics die as a medium, the characters of Marvel and DC will be just seen as licensed trademarks by their parent company's. Something to put in T-shirts, mugs and to make movies and video games out of until that well runs dry.

So far look at this years SUPERHERO SUMMER, most of the films have either under-preformed or really fallen flat.  Because studios took that genre and ran it dry until they were stuck with making films on second stringer characters. They are second stringers for a reason, Jonah Hex was last summer's big flop, this year Green Lantern was underwhelming, but the studio has green lit a sequel. Because they are desperate for another thing they can build a franchise on since Harry Potter is ending.

Marvel is now owned by Disney. Look at the property that built them Mickey Mouse, do they still make Mickey cartoons, NO except for the CGI preschooler abomination. Mickey is not just a logo for merch and a suit for college students to sweat in and stink up working at their theme parks.