Friday, June 26, 2009

jacko custody and drugs

Michael Jackson has left a mess behind with his death, one will be the custody of his three children. reports now state that Katharine Jackson is trying to win custody of the kids from there "biological" mother Debbie Rowe.

Second issue is that he left behind a 400 million dollar debt, that his upcoming comeback tour was supposed to help pay off. Now after his autopsy there are reports that this may have been a preventable drug overdose as he was addicted to painkillers such as Demerol. The doctor that administered the drugs is still MIA and waiting to be found. The LAPD has announced that they have not spoken with the person who was the last to see him alive and made the 911 call.

Thursday, June 25, 2009

When tragedy happens the jokes begin.

Like the death of JFK Jr or the Challenger Disaster people cope with humor, sometimes inappropriate humor.

Here is the jokes on MJ I have seen so far.

I think it's safe to say that he touched all of us as children, in his own way.

Apparently he had a heart attack after someone told him Boyz 2 men was'nt a home delivery service

Apparently in his will he has asked to be melted down and turned into an XBOX 360 so kids can still play with him.

Just think, in a couple of months, we can dig MJ up and he can perform "Thriller" for real.

Michael Jackson tickets are going cheap on Ebay, if anyone is interested...

All his upcoming dates have been cancelled now including tom (aged 9) and james (aged 11)

Some alleged theories include that the king of pop, Michael Jackson, might have perished due to food poisoning after having eaten 12-year old nuts, while other speculate it being a result of 8-year old weiners.

When the world stops.

The death of Michael Jackson makes me think of all the times when a news story made the world stop. There have been several I have personally witnessed in my time.

Challenger Explosion (1986) This was the first time in my life a I remember when a major story happened and I remember where I was when I heard it. I was in 3rd grade it was after lunch when my teacher Mrs. Sommerville told us "something bad" happened to the shuttle.

Flight 255 Air Plane crash, the second worst air disaster in the US happened 15 minutes from my home at the Detroit Metro Airport. My family drove by I94 and we still saw debris laying off the highway.

September 11 2001 I woke up in my dorm at EMU when a roommate said that a plane crashed into the WTC and for the rest of the day my eyes were glued to the TV.

Michael jackson is dead at 50

This is a shock, Michael Jackson, the King of Pop, The moonwalker or Wacko Jacko is dead from cardiac arrest. Oddly enough, the circumstances of his death and the media circus surround it bears similarities to the death of another icon Elvis Presley the King of Rock and Roll. Even now they are talking about Jackson's struggle with Prescription Drugs just as Elvis fought addictions to tranquilizers and stimulants.

Just like Elvis I expect there to be a huge fiasco to open up in the next few days as lawyers, spurned business partners and former neverland employees all try to get one last dollar from Jackson. Expect books to come out and interviews on cable tv tabloid shows about all his bizarre antics all from former employees, "friends" and the countless of people who will come out an claim that Jackson fondled them, some might be real.

I knew this new comeback tour was never going to happen, but I though it would be like his past failed business projects. He would disappear and make some lame ass excuse not dropping dead.

Sure in the past few years Jackson became the subject of joke and ridicule but in the 80's, I grew up when MTV began, and Jackson appeared to rock the music scene and put this fledging Music Television network on the map. Latest popstars from Miley Cyrus, Ashley Tisdale and the Jonas Bros all owe him a debt because their careers would not exist if not for him. I remember when He was Black and Still had a nose, people went crazy over him in ways that still exceed the recent frenzies over HSM, Hannah Montana and the Jonas Brothers. Miley right now is the closest the entertainment industry has to ma major pop star.

Just as death comes in 3's, Jackson's death casts a huge shadow on 2 other deaths that of Ed McMahon and Farrah Fawcett. Farrah was fighting a losing battle with cancer it was shocking but expected, Jackson's death was just like Heath Ledger, you never think in a million years you would hear that he is dead. I expected Lindsay Lohan to be found dead long before we heard Heath died. Heath was much younger who still had his best work ahead of him, Jackson on the other hand had already accomplished his best with albums Thriller and Off the Wall. Thriller which no one even Jackson was never able to top. He could've retired after Thriller and people wuld have said he had an amazing career.

As for him being a molester, he was found innocent but while there were compelling evidence and he his engage in rather suspicious behavior. Like rent out a villa at the Las Vegas Mirage, for him and several boys age 8-12 and ordered large amounts of booze and tobacco, more than he could consume himself and left the place with $10,000
worth of damages.

Michael Jackson dead at 50, 50 it just seems too young to die. For someone who was at a half century he accomplished more in music that other artists do in several lifetimes.

Thursday, June 18, 2009

Enough with the Remakes!

I did some wikipedia research and found that Hollywood is assaulting us with a glut of unnecessary remakes. Most of these remakes exist for risk management, films cost a ton of money to develop and produce, they hope that a remake on a well known title will come with a prepackaged audience.

Land of the Lost(2009) A big budget, a well known star and a well known name. We all know how that worked out. It got its asskicked The Hangover, a low budget original idea with a cast of unknowns.

Turns out even with remakes that you avoid some risks at the same time create some new ones. Name recognition only works if you do the original justice. Land of the Lost didn't do that instead the name was not a "recognizable" as the studio heads believed and the film alienated any true fans the series did have.

Total Recall (1990) - It was a perfect Sci-fi film, a SF films that was intelligent and interesting, not just some film about some stock hero blasting robots or aliens.It had a plot screwed with your head more than a Rekall Vacation. A could see sequel or prequel maybe to help flush out more of the the films universe. NO it is going to be a complete re-imaging of the original film. This will only work if they make a film that can expand the universe of the original film or even a prequel that shows how Quaid gets his memory scrambled in the first place.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer: With True Blood heating up HBO and teen girls drooling over Twilight, the public is vampire crazy so some studio heads decide lets remake Buffy. WHY???? Because Kuzui sees this recent vamp craze and his only hope is to resurrect his only real success. Ever heard of a One Trick Pony?

Human Target: A remake of a failed ABC show based on a dead DC comic line starring rick Springfield. This could be a hit just like the new Knight Rider and Bionic Woman. All I know is they better not frak up AIRWOLF. Jan Michael Vincent was DA SHIT!

V: ABC is remaking this classic alien invasion series. Sure the original mini-series was a classic. But it did have some serious flaws like the stupid alien half breed starchild with magical powers who saves day at the end in one of the most cliche Deus Ex Machina cop out of a ending ever.

UFO: Robert Evans is going to produce a remake of this obscure Gerry Anderson sci-fi show from the 70's.

Here are some remakes I could consider NECESSARY.

Judge Dredd - It was announced that a new film is in the works as the Sylvester Stallone film was a box office and critical disaster that as was not a faithful depiction of the comic book character.

Santa Claus: the Movie (1985) In 2008 it was announced that a remake is in the works by the new Ilya Salkind Company, I have to say, with the original film being a critical and box office failure. Maybe a remake is in order to fix the pile of steaming poo that was the original.

Thursday, June 11, 2009

Here is a story of Eddie Murphy and his latest list of on set demands. Eddie hear me out, lately with your piss poor Box office returns. You did do the Adventures of Pluto Nash, a film that actually broke Carolco's Cutthroat Island's Guinness World Record for "Biggest Single Loss ever for a studio", that film bankrupted them.

I couldn't blame him for not showing up to the premier of Meet Dave, hell I would do the same thing If I was connected to that piece of cinematic trash.

Right now you cannot act like royalty, even the Queen of England still shows up on time. Start acting professional if you do not they will replace you with any number of up an coming Disney produced talent.

Some ideas for the AVGN

As you know there have been many crappy games based on films, some of these games are actually bad games based on GOOD films, such PLATOON or the infamous ET come to mind. There is a rare breed in gaming, the shit game based on a equally or even shittier film or other such failed entertainment property.

I propose that the AVGN throw his wrath at a few of these titles

Such victims for James wrath could be

First candidates are the FLOPS, crap games based on films that either tanked at the box office or were savaged by the critics or both.

Hudson Hawk for the NES, shit game based on a really bad Bruce Willis box office fiasco. James can even talk about the Nintendo Power contest where the 1st place winner got a free screening of the film with 5 of his closest friends. Nintendo Power and Hudson Hawk Even when you win you lose. What was planned next Bruce? a Bonfire of the Vanities game.

HOOK(NES, SNES, GENESIS Sega CD) A crap game based on a ill advised Spielberg retake on Peter Pan that went over with critics like a fart in church. Originally this project was supposed to be a musical that Steven promised the lead to Michael "Wacko Jacko" Jackson until he got accused of getting to close to kids.

Cutthroat Island (Genesis, SNES) This bloated over budget and overindulgent Remy Harlin directed Gena Davis action pirate vehicle picture, became a case of vehicular manslaughter as it cost over $100 mil and only made $10 million. It bankrupted Carolco Pictures and held the Guinness World Record for "Biggest single loss for a studio" until Adventures of Pluto Nash came out. This was the same Carolco that made a mint on Terminator 2 and Basic Instinct. This film killed the pirate genre, until Disney resurrected it with the Pirates of the Caribbean films, based on a theme park ride of all things. And you thought Waterworld was bad.

Speaking of the devil...

Waterworld (GEN, SNES) Sure the AVGN did the virtual boy adaptation, this waterlogged Costner shipwreck also ran aground on the Super NES and Genesis.

Judge Dredd, (SNES, Genesis) This DREDDFUL theatrical flop actually had the nerve to put "based on the smash hit movie" on the carts, Talk about false advertising.

Last Action Hero (SNES, NES, GENESIS) Another AHHNOLD game for a film that was a Box Office Turkey.

Demolition Man (GEN, SNES) I'd like to schedule all of these carts for demolition. I wonder if Arnie and Sly where having a pissing contest to see how many crap games they could assault the public with. So far they are both 2 for 2 tied, if you count out the terminator and RAMBO games and reclass those as separate franchise films

Tf SLY and AHHNOLD were having a crap video game contest they both get PWNED by the muscles from Brussels.

Street Fighter the Movie (SNES, GENESIS, ARCADE) A game based on the movie that is based on a video game. It is like one of those movie within a movie movies, only worse.

Universal Soldier (SNES, GEN) another shit VanDamme film another shit VanDamme game.

Time Cop (SNES, GEN) Vandamme strikes again Makes me grateful that no Steven Segal films were ever made into a video game... Or where they?

Congo the game (GEN, SNES) A game based on a talking monkey jungle movie that I do not even remember what it was about.

Time Traxx (GENESIS, SNES) Not really a movie, but a game from the genre of Games based on obscure TV show only 5 people including myself remember watching.

Defenders of Dynatron City (nes) not really a shit game based on a movie, but a shit game based on a failed comic book line created by Steven Spielberg. Not everything he creates is GOLD kids.

Captain Planet and the Planeteers (NES, SNES GEN) for a game based on a cartoon preaching ecological responsibility, this was sure one big piece of toxic garbage that should have been slated for recycling.

How about...the mentionables

Cliffhanger (NES, GEN, SNES, SEGA CD) a mess of a game based on a passable Stallone action film.

Blues Brothers (NES, SNES) A game that is in the genre of desecration of a CLASSIC film. I can see the mindset around making a shit quick cash in to coinside with a hot theatrical release. But a game based on a film that came out 10 years before the NES even existed?

Gilligan's Island(NES) a shit game based on a TV show that was long canceled way before video games hit the streets. or their current players were even BORN.

The Three Stooges (NES) a WORSE idea, here's what kids like me wanted in the 1980's a game based on a series of short films made before their PARENTS were even born.

Alien 3 (SNES) Here is the rarest of beasts, A GOOD game based on a SHIT film. The NES version was garbage and the Genesis game was dull and mediocre. But the SNES game was actually a intelligently put together action adventure platformer with a open ended level design that required a certain level of strategic planning to complete the mission objectives.