Friday, December 11, 2009

Cost of Doing Business

We all talk about the tax incentives here in MI and the troubled economy. I have to ask is, how much of the way Hollywood does business is going to change due to the economic climate.

In this tough economy film investors are starting to want something more than a tax write off, they want a monetary return. When times are good movies are treated like a tax shelter to hide money from the IRS not a revenue creating business. Much of this has to do with the nature of the beast. Movies cost money, lots of money and the success rate for feature films is pretty awful. This summer most of the big money summer blockbusters were bank busters. Transformers barely broke even and Halcyon who made Terminator Salvation lost money on that film. The film lost so much money they went bankrupt and to pay off their debts filed for Chapter 11, liquidated and recently auctioned off all the props from the film. This film was supposed to be the start of a trilogy.

This big winners of this summer were the small budgeted films with relative unknowns starring in them. The Hangover a simple R rated comedy about a weekend in vegas gone wrong beat out a PG13 +100mil Land of the Lost. A convoluted Will Ferrel vehicle that was a mismarketed and half-assed adaptation of a 70's TV show.

We have the Twilight Franchise burning hot for small Summit Pictures. The first was a success due to the popularity of the source material with females. The relative cost was another factor, the cast for the first film were relative unknowns which meant lower salaries for the cast. In Time this could change Women especially teenagers are fickle, can and will change interests quick. As Kristen Stewart, Ashley Greene, Robert Pattinson and Taylor Lautner (who is from Grand Rapids by the way) become more famous they are going to demand more money upfront which will raise the cost of future installments.

I am seeing one effect of this economy is greenlighting projects, in order to cut risks more films are going for brand recognition and are being based on popular cartoons, toys and board games. Yes there is a Monopoly movie coming out by Ridley Scott. You know they dude who gave us Alien and Blackhawk Down. A Candyland film, another He-Man film is speculated. Any He-Man film would be better than that Golan and Globus fiasco from the 80's. There is talk of a Thundercats movie as well. Here in Michigan the biggest film so far has been the Red Dawn remake, if it becomes a hit is yet to be seen.

I cannot wait until the studios start tapping out the 80's cartoon well and start scraping the bottom with such titles as Silverhawks, Jayce and the Wheeled Warriors and M.A.S.K. Since a Asteroids film was announced maybe we will get a PAC-MAN film with Chace Crawford and Ashley Tisdale. I so want to see a MASK film, it would so fill the void for flying gull wing doors Z28 Camaro films.

Sunday, October 4, 2009

Chronicles in Fail #1 - Bulletball

I was a but confused myself about it this one for my first Chronicle in Fail, first we have the FAIL a reality show, American Inventor, a Inventor and a rejection of a invention that FAILS on every level. When we get the faggotry, the inventor in his self delusion does not give up and decides to sell in invention on a website at a ridiculous markup.

Once upon a time there was a show called The American Inventor, a show where contestants pitched their ideas, some good, some crazy and one invention that was the epitome of FAIL. Enter Marc Griffin and his baby BULLETBALL, the "High Caliber table game for the 21st Century Lifestyle."

Well the youtube video of Marc's pitch says it all

Good Lord on a pogostick, this is going to be a Olympic sport?? Passing a ball back and forth on a cheap Formica table? High Caliber? Then he dishes out a sob story on how he spent 26 years on this game he and his ex-wife (Oh my, I wonder why that happened.) he sold everything to develop this game that was created when him and his ex-wife were drunk on wine playing with a cat's toy.

But after getting a smackdown from the judges, this self delusion is on display as he is CONVINCED that this game will make it because it is just THAT GOOD.

Does he give up no because he now sells this game on his website. Here is where this subject brushes with faggotry.

If you surf to the website you see it all. make sure you listen to the Bulletball "RAP" Okay....He wants $299 for this shit.

The standard model BulletBall table is made of a white ¾ inch Melamine top. The siderails attach to the side of the table and come standard with a choice of either one of the BulletBall logos (red, white, and blue or yellow, red and black). The American Flag is optional for an additional $20. The legs are available in the white, black, blue, green, and light maple wood grain finish.

Customizable logos on the siderails (see example above) are available for an additional cost.

The white top standard model table comes with hardware, 8 BulletBall balls, written instructions, DVD instructional video, and a certificate of authenticity. This table is available for a "limited time" reduced price of $299.99!!! plus shipping and handling.
At least you get more than just a table, a video and a Certificate of Authenticity that this is a REAL Olympic Regulation Bulletball table. Accept no Imitations.

If that is so slow four you and you want to play in the big league Bulletball circuits settle for no less than the Professional Bulletball Extreme Table.

The professional model BulletBall Extreme table is our top of the line table. It has a multi-purpose use and can be customized to match your home decor. It has a durable Formica laminated surface which comes in several colors to choose from: White, Black, Red, Green, Blue, and a Light Maple Wood Grain Finish with the same choice of colors for the legs. The legs are trimmed in matching T-mold as tabletop.

This table comes with two removable siderails, with our standard two-choice of BulletBall Extreme logos (red, white, and blue or yellow, red and black).

Customizable logos are available for an additional cost.

The Extreme table comes with a 16-ball holding tray, 16 multi-color BulletBall (balls), BulletBall ball catcher, hardware, written instructions, DVD visual instructions, and a certificate of authenticity, for a total price of $525 plus shipping and handling.
It is top of the line, were are talking about some serious fo' shizzle here. The only EXTREME I see here is the PRICE. $525 for this and you can get customized logos for additional cost. get some flames on that thing and be the pimpest Bulletballer on the BLOCK.

If that is too pricey for you can go for the bargain model

The BulletBall Tabletop model is a simple, fold-up, lightweight, white game board version table with clip on siderails, which sits on top of your existing table. The siderails come in our standard two logo colors (red, white and blue or yellow, red, and black). This table comes with folding table, siderails, clips, 6 BulletBall balls, assembly instructions, and rules. The cost of this table top version is $59.99 and includes shipping and handling to anywhere in the United States.
Can't you just play Bulletball on a normal table? Because this game is so high caliber that it will just burn through any normal table. Thats why the game is just THAT GOOD.

Also the table can also become a multi-purpose table for homework, casual dining and other activities you will find to make use of this overpriced table after you find no one to play this High Caliber game with.

But the game is finding a audience, as Bulletball has been adopted at several Chicago area Rehabilitation centers and even the US Army's Walter Reed Medical Center. Showing that his game is now the High Caliber table sport of the Lowest Bidder.
525 for a table after paying for a 1000 toilet seat this is a STEAL.

So Marc Griffin you are a Chronicle in FAIL!

Profiles in Faggotry #1

What do you get when you mix fursuiting, bowlcuts and hardcore Christianity. You get paden Reilly aka Crusader Cat. Like Kirk Cameron, Paden was just another fursuiter who one day found Jesus (probably in Dayton OH, under a bus). Just like Kirk Cameron (who will probably end up in the Fail Chronicles) he thought that Jesus totally wanted him to act like a total dick towards anything and everyone. His claim to faggotry comes from being banned from furraffinity for being true to his namesake pestering the administrators to remove all anti-christian art.

On September 11th, 2009,(nevar forget) Crusadercat decided that over 30 people on FurAffinity were harassing him by making furry porn depicting his character. Rule 34 people. (he claims that he holds the copyright to all brown cats with blond hair in art) and "bashing Christians", which is basically anything that he finds even slightly offensive.

So he does what every furry does when they get pissed off about art or what someone says: cry out about copyright infringement, completely disregard the First Amendment and demand that anything that offends him gets removed from the site immediately because NOBODY should be allowed to make fun of Christians and if he doesn't get his way, he'll get on the phone with his lawyer... to sue a private website that the government has zero control over and isn't breaking any IRL laws.

In June 2009 a video is posted on youtube that implies Crusadercat is indeed sexually attracted to felines.

At age 16, he got two kittens for his birthday. And human... um... sexuality wasn't enough for him. It wouldn't satisfy him. He just thought about it so much. When his cats would lie on top of him - the body, it would arouse him when he was pawing off, so he would start kissing them... and then eventually he just decided that he would commit bestiality. It wasn't easy because they would claw... they weren't declawed yet. Crusadercatgiving detail into how he rapes kittens.

He would commit bestiality in several ways. Including, um, dry-humping, hand jobs and attempted oral sex. He tried various positions. Uh, except for intercourse, because the cats were too small. He was so out of control he wanted to have himself castrated or sterilized to stop the abuse of his poor cats. Crusadercat explaining that he wanted his balls cut off.

More often that not religious zealotry is a cover for the usual real or serious character flaws. For Paden it is hardcore cat screwing.

So crusadercar hats off, you are a true profile in faggotry.

New Plans

I plan on doing for this blog two new articles. One called Profiles in Faggotry, stories of people who push the boundaries of socially absurd behavior to their own detriment. (really nothing to do with any homphobic slurs) and the Chronicles of Fail, stories about people, companies or ideas who pretty much fall on thier face.

Friday, October 2, 2009

Olympics: Obama's Agony of Defeat

Chicago, was the front runner for the 2016 games according to the news SNL filmed a skit with Oprah cheering Chicago's win. They were that sure according to the news sources.

Now it is speculated after hearing from right wing pundits such as Glen Beck and Michelle Malkin about the graft and corruption between the IOC and Obama's cronies.
After Obama's and the First Lady's self centered speech. "Pick Chicago so my daughters can see the games in their backyard." or Michelle's "my father has MS" failed. It probably was what caused Chicago to get kicked to the curb on the 1st round, they were front runner until their pitch which was flat to say the least.

If you think Chicago was bad, for the past week the news heard storied about a teen who was beaten to death while dozens watched and filmed it. Rio in reality is many ways worse, they have slums that make Chicago's worse ghettos look like Park Avenue. Brazil's unseamly side will come out when the world arrives in 2016.

Maybe we can one day see bangkok Thailand get the games, I'd like to see a Thai Delegation try to sell their city. Entertainment, our tranny donkey shows are renowned through out the world. Sport? We have women who can shoot ping pong balls out of their wing wongs and the boys and girls Mens and Womens Gymnastics will also give you private floor excerize for a fee.

Another two reason the USA lost, Atlanta 1996 and Salt Lake 2002. The IOC was not happy the way Atlanta run the games with logistical Charlie Foxtrots and that security issue of the Olympic Park bombing. SLC had they huge scandal with graft bribery and corruption and it took GOP Governor Mitt Romney to pull those games out of the fire and actually turned a profit.

The IOC looked at Chi-Town saw the graft and crony-ism and fact the city is financially strapped and said HELL to the NO! This is another Athens waiting to happen. After 5 years 22 of 23 venues are left deserted and are now decaying. The EU has been left with a $600 million bill for "basic maintenance".

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Video stores, union reps rally against buck-a-night DVD kiosks ANNOTATED

Video stores, union reps rally against buck-a-night DVD kiosks

Tue Sep 8, 2009 11:42AM EDT

The $1 movie rentals available through DVD kiosks like Redbox could spell "disaster" for the film and video industries—or at least, that's the argument of representatives for video stores and Hollywood unions, who want movie lovers to dump Redbox and return to their corner "mom-and-pop" DVD rental outlets.

(Yeah... "Mom and Pop" places like Blockbuster and Family Video.)

Video Business reports that the Video Buyers Group, a trade organization for some 1,700 independent brick-and-mortar video stores, is prepping an ad campaign that'll paint Redbox as a threat to the film industry as we know it. Why? Because its $1-a-night rental rate is "generating less revenue" for Hollywood studios than the $3-$5/night prices charged by the average video store, according to Video Business.

(They are losing business due to pure capitalism, someone is offering the same product cheaper and a better convenience, so the Big Boxes and Unions cry GAY HAX!!!)

Indeed, the New York Times quotes Video Buyers Group president Ted Engen as saying that "those machines"—think Redbox and its ilk—"are to the video industry what the Internet was to the music business—disaster."

(It is going to get worse as Redbox is considering game rentals.)

Also on the attack against DVD kiosks: Gary Cook of UA Local 87, the union that represents movie studio plumbers: "It's going to kill the industry," Cook warned the Times.

Redbox is already waging war with Universal, 20th Centurty Fox, and Warner Brothers, all of which are seeking to keep their video distributors from selling their latest DVDs to Redbox until weeks after their discs hit video stores.

Redbox has files lawsuits against all three studios, while Sony, Lionsgate, and Paramount have each cut distribution deals—complete with new releases delivered on the day of their retail debuts—with the popular DVD kiosk company.

So, why all the fuss? Simple: Hollywood execs (who are already alarmed by sinking DVD sales) are furious that Redbox would dare rent the latest DVDs for just a buck a night, a price that is "grossly undervaluing" their hottest new movies, while struggling mom-and-pop video stores are fretting that DVD kiosks and their cheap rental policies are undercutting their own rental prices.

(As for the mom and pops, the only mom and pop video stores I see around here are still surviving because they offer videos of the "adult" variety.)

From what I've seen, people love the bright red Redbox kiosks: they're ubiquitous (in certain parts of the country, anyway), they're easy to use, they offer instant DVD gratification, and (yes) the rental price is right.

But as many of you have noted, just because you rent movies from Redbox doesn't mean you'll never go to the corner video store (or Netflix) again; after all, most DVD kiosks only hold a few hundred movies, so what you gain in terms of instant gratification you lose in terms of selection.

While I can understand how indie video stores might feel threatened by the buck-and-night DVD kiosk, I'm pretty sure there's room for everyone—after all, good luck finding a copy of "8-1/2" at the Redbox kiosk in McDonald's.

(most indie's.. like I said offer films that REDBOX even Blockbuster doesn't carry like Buttslammers 10, I recommend you see 1 through 9 first because I saw 10 at nothing made sense. I was totally confused at the climatic huge rubber donkey dong scene with the midgets covered in ranch dressing, I was told that #8 explains that entire part.)

And as for Redbox killing the film industry? Give me a break.

(Maybe Hollywood needs to do what the Big 3 Auto companies need, restore customer confidence in their products by stop making crap.)

Friday, August 14, 2009

A another new BSG.

It has gotten worse Hollywood's has really lost it's mind, remember the new remade Battlestar Galactica, the one that ended in march of this year. Well they are going to do a NEW MOVIE in theaters directed by Byran Singer.

Let's take that in for a moment they are going to reboot a reboot that was just finished. This is just destined for EPIC FAIL, because UNIVERSAL is pretty much creatively BANKRUPT. This is just after hearing about a LEGO movie.

Thursday, August 13, 2009

Hollywood has lost it's mind part #145

Movies based on toys we GEN Xer's played with are the are the hottest thing right now.

Transformers was a smash hit, GI JOE has a strong opening so the folks Warner Brothers decided to jump on the bandwagon and green light a LEGO FILM. You read that right a LEGO movie. A movie about the same toy building blocks I made forts that my army men had battles in.

YES..First it was Monopoly with Ridley Scott, a announcing of a Candy Land film, Asteroids and now this. Studios are starting to make films on ideas that would have gotten a studio executive laughed out of Hollywood for just mentioning or were the just the stuff of parody on sketch comedy shows like Mad TV and Saturday Night Live.

Since she has a another film coming out, after having a album that no one cares about. Vanessa Hudgens has more NUDE pics out on the INTERNET. I suspect these are pics were taken during the same time as the last ones, and these ones are released strategically to create some sort of media buzz for her.

Here is a word of advice to Miss Vanessa on, Hollywood and nudity.


Nudity especially for females is like playing with gunpowder, nitro glycerin or any volatile susbstance. You do not screw around with it unless you REALLY know what you are doing.

Nudity can either make you a indie darling like Rosario Dawson, or end up in the Slut Swamp like Linday Lohan's nasty ass raping of Marylin Monroe's "Last Sitting" or Alyssa Milano's attempt to shed her teen image by getting topless and going LEZ in Embrace of the Vampire*.

Trying to use nudity to shed off a child friendly image, can backfire horribly. In the end nothing good really happens when people start taking their clothes off.

V you are playing with fire here, with a career already build on the shaky Disney Pop Tart foundation. Only thing keeping your friend Ashley Tisdale is her deep sense of professionalism. Like here at least you are not showing up to set late and intoxicated.

*Which is a very HOT movie by the way and I recommend it.

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Jacko and Drugs

More I read about the circumstances of Michael Jackson's death, it is starting to sound like it was preventable. Sure his health was fading and this upcoming comeback tour took a lot out of him. But stories of Demerol and other powerful drugs such as Profonol which is a powerful anesthesia used to put people under for surgery and can be dangerous if not used by trained medical professionals. Then again this was Michael Jackson who was rumored to be stuffing tampons up his ass to block himself up because he ruined his butt with one too many enemas administered by people who are not trained medical professionals


Sure Wacko Jacko kept some strange company but this?

First Crazy Claim in Jackson Case

Posted Jul 1st 2009 2:45PM by TMZ Staff

Michael JacksonMichael Jackson was married and his wife is demanding all of his property -- this according to a woman who just filed a petition in L.A. County Superior Court.

Nona Paris Lola Ankhesenamun Jackson, who lives in London, asks "that all my husband's properties, monies and assets must be transferred to me immediately" and "my husband's body must be returned to the coroner's body [sic] or the mortuary immediately."

Of course, there is no evidence this woman had any relationship whatsoever to Michael Jackson. She's had an active court case since December of last year, claiming she was married to the singer.

Nona also claims all of Michael's children are hers and that she didn't authorize them to live with Katherine Jackson.

She now claims, "Though he died to this earth he lives with my father [Satan the Devil] Khalid Lucifer."

The doc says "For any questions, I can be contacted at [email address removed] or leave my children

I will tell you think right now any one with a long-ass name is not all there in the head. But someone with the name Anksenamun or any egyptian name or any name that sounds like a mini-boss from some generic PC RPG game is truly batshit insane.

Friday, June 26, 2009

jacko custody and drugs

Michael Jackson has left a mess behind with his death, one will be the custody of his three children. reports now state that Katharine Jackson is trying to win custody of the kids from there "biological" mother Debbie Rowe.

Second issue is that he left behind a 400 million dollar debt, that his upcoming comeback tour was supposed to help pay off. Now after his autopsy there are reports that this may have been a preventable drug overdose as he was addicted to painkillers such as Demerol. The doctor that administered the drugs is still MIA and waiting to be found. The LAPD has announced that they have not spoken with the person who was the last to see him alive and made the 911 call.

Thursday, June 25, 2009

When tragedy happens the jokes begin.

Like the death of JFK Jr or the Challenger Disaster people cope with humor, sometimes inappropriate humor.

Here is the jokes on MJ I have seen so far.

I think it's safe to say that he touched all of us as children, in his own way.

Apparently he had a heart attack after someone told him Boyz 2 men was'nt a home delivery service

Apparently in his will he has asked to be melted down and turned into an XBOX 360 so kids can still play with him.

Just think, in a couple of months, we can dig MJ up and he can perform "Thriller" for real.

Michael Jackson tickets are going cheap on Ebay, if anyone is interested...

All his upcoming dates have been cancelled now including tom (aged 9) and james (aged 11)

Some alleged theories include that the king of pop, Michael Jackson, might have perished due to food poisoning after having eaten 12-year old nuts, while other speculate it being a result of 8-year old weiners.

When the world stops.

The death of Michael Jackson makes me think of all the times when a news story made the world stop. There have been several I have personally witnessed in my time.

Challenger Explosion (1986) This was the first time in my life a I remember when a major story happened and I remember where I was when I heard it. I was in 3rd grade it was after lunch when my teacher Mrs. Sommerville told us "something bad" happened to the shuttle.

Flight 255 Air Plane crash, the second worst air disaster in the US happened 15 minutes from my home at the Detroit Metro Airport. My family drove by I94 and we still saw debris laying off the highway.

September 11 2001 I woke up in my dorm at EMU when a roommate said that a plane crashed into the WTC and for the rest of the day my eyes were glued to the TV.

Michael jackson is dead at 50

This is a shock, Michael Jackson, the King of Pop, The moonwalker or Wacko Jacko is dead from cardiac arrest. Oddly enough, the circumstances of his death and the media circus surround it bears similarities to the death of another icon Elvis Presley the King of Rock and Roll. Even now they are talking about Jackson's struggle with Prescription Drugs just as Elvis fought addictions to tranquilizers and stimulants.

Just like Elvis I expect there to be a huge fiasco to open up in the next few days as lawyers, spurned business partners and former neverland employees all try to get one last dollar from Jackson. Expect books to come out and interviews on cable tv tabloid shows about all his bizarre antics all from former employees, "friends" and the countless of people who will come out an claim that Jackson fondled them, some might be real.

I knew this new comeback tour was never going to happen, but I though it would be like his past failed business projects. He would disappear and make some lame ass excuse not dropping dead.

Sure in the past few years Jackson became the subject of joke and ridicule but in the 80's, I grew up when MTV began, and Jackson appeared to rock the music scene and put this fledging Music Television network on the map. Latest popstars from Miley Cyrus, Ashley Tisdale and the Jonas Bros all owe him a debt because their careers would not exist if not for him. I remember when He was Black and Still had a nose, people went crazy over him in ways that still exceed the recent frenzies over HSM, Hannah Montana and the Jonas Brothers. Miley right now is the closest the entertainment industry has to ma major pop star.

Just as death comes in 3's, Jackson's death casts a huge shadow on 2 other deaths that of Ed McMahon and Farrah Fawcett. Farrah was fighting a losing battle with cancer it was shocking but expected, Jackson's death was just like Heath Ledger, you never think in a million years you would hear that he is dead. I expected Lindsay Lohan to be found dead long before we heard Heath died. Heath was much younger who still had his best work ahead of him, Jackson on the other hand had already accomplished his best with albums Thriller and Off the Wall. Thriller which no one even Jackson was never able to top. He could've retired after Thriller and people wuld have said he had an amazing career.

As for him being a molester, he was found innocent but while there were compelling evidence and he his engage in rather suspicious behavior. Like rent out a villa at the Las Vegas Mirage, for him and several boys age 8-12 and ordered large amounts of booze and tobacco, more than he could consume himself and left the place with $10,000
worth of damages.

Michael Jackson dead at 50, 50 it just seems too young to die. For someone who was at a half century he accomplished more in music that other artists do in several lifetimes.

Thursday, June 18, 2009

Enough with the Remakes!

I did some wikipedia research and found that Hollywood is assaulting us with a glut of unnecessary remakes. Most of these remakes exist for risk management, films cost a ton of money to develop and produce, they hope that a remake on a well known title will come with a prepackaged audience.

Land of the Lost(2009) A big budget, a well known star and a well known name. We all know how that worked out. It got its asskicked The Hangover, a low budget original idea with a cast of unknowns.

Turns out even with remakes that you avoid some risks at the same time create some new ones. Name recognition only works if you do the original justice. Land of the Lost didn't do that instead the name was not a "recognizable" as the studio heads believed and the film alienated any true fans the series did have.

Total Recall (1990) - It was a perfect Sci-fi film, a SF films that was intelligent and interesting, not just some film about some stock hero blasting robots or aliens.It had a plot screwed with your head more than a Rekall Vacation. A could see sequel or prequel maybe to help flush out more of the the films universe. NO it is going to be a complete re-imaging of the original film. This will only work if they make a film that can expand the universe of the original film or even a prequel that shows how Quaid gets his memory scrambled in the first place.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer: With True Blood heating up HBO and teen girls drooling over Twilight, the public is vampire crazy so some studio heads decide lets remake Buffy. WHY???? Because Kuzui sees this recent vamp craze and his only hope is to resurrect his only real success. Ever heard of a One Trick Pony?

Human Target: A remake of a failed ABC show based on a dead DC comic line starring rick Springfield. This could be a hit just like the new Knight Rider and Bionic Woman. All I know is they better not frak up AIRWOLF. Jan Michael Vincent was DA SHIT!

V: ABC is remaking this classic alien invasion series. Sure the original mini-series was a classic. But it did have some serious flaws like the stupid alien half breed starchild with magical powers who saves day at the end in one of the most cliche Deus Ex Machina cop out of a ending ever.

UFO: Robert Evans is going to produce a remake of this obscure Gerry Anderson sci-fi show from the 70's.

Here are some remakes I could consider NECESSARY.

Judge Dredd - It was announced that a new film is in the works as the Sylvester Stallone film was a box office and critical disaster that as was not a faithful depiction of the comic book character.

Santa Claus: the Movie (1985) In 2008 it was announced that a remake is in the works by the new Ilya Salkind Company, I have to say, with the original film being a critical and box office failure. Maybe a remake is in order to fix the pile of steaming poo that was the original.

Thursday, June 11, 2009

Here is a story of Eddie Murphy and his latest list of on set demands. Eddie hear me out, lately with your piss poor Box office returns. You did do the Adventures of Pluto Nash, a film that actually broke Carolco's Cutthroat Island's Guinness World Record for "Biggest Single Loss ever for a studio", that film bankrupted them.

I couldn't blame him for not showing up to the premier of Meet Dave, hell I would do the same thing If I was connected to that piece of cinematic trash.

Right now you cannot act like royalty, even the Queen of England still shows up on time. Start acting professional if you do not they will replace you with any number of up an coming Disney produced talent.

Some ideas for the AVGN

As you know there have been many crappy games based on films, some of these games are actually bad games based on GOOD films, such PLATOON or the infamous ET come to mind. There is a rare breed in gaming, the shit game based on a equally or even shittier film or other such failed entertainment property.

I propose that the AVGN throw his wrath at a few of these titles

Such victims for James wrath could be

First candidates are the FLOPS, crap games based on films that either tanked at the box office or were savaged by the critics or both.

Hudson Hawk for the NES, shit game based on a really bad Bruce Willis box office fiasco. James can even talk about the Nintendo Power contest where the 1st place winner got a free screening of the film with 5 of his closest friends. Nintendo Power and Hudson Hawk Even when you win you lose. What was planned next Bruce? a Bonfire of the Vanities game.

HOOK(NES, SNES, GENESIS Sega CD) A crap game based on a ill advised Spielberg retake on Peter Pan that went over with critics like a fart in church. Originally this project was supposed to be a musical that Steven promised the lead to Michael "Wacko Jacko" Jackson until he got accused of getting to close to kids.

Cutthroat Island (Genesis, SNES) This bloated over budget and overindulgent Remy Harlin directed Gena Davis action pirate vehicle picture, became a case of vehicular manslaughter as it cost over $100 mil and only made $10 million. It bankrupted Carolco Pictures and held the Guinness World Record for "Biggest single loss for a studio" until Adventures of Pluto Nash came out. This was the same Carolco that made a mint on Terminator 2 and Basic Instinct. This film killed the pirate genre, until Disney resurrected it with the Pirates of the Caribbean films, based on a theme park ride of all things. And you thought Waterworld was bad.

Speaking of the devil...

Waterworld (GEN, SNES) Sure the AVGN did the virtual boy adaptation, this waterlogged Costner shipwreck also ran aground on the Super NES and Genesis.

Judge Dredd, (SNES, Genesis) This DREDDFUL theatrical flop actually had the nerve to put "based on the smash hit movie" on the carts, Talk about false advertising.

Last Action Hero (SNES, NES, GENESIS) Another AHHNOLD game for a film that was a Box Office Turkey.

Demolition Man (GEN, SNES) I'd like to schedule all of these carts for demolition. I wonder if Arnie and Sly where having a pissing contest to see how many crap games they could assault the public with. So far they are both 2 for 2 tied, if you count out the terminator and RAMBO games and reclass those as separate franchise films

Tf SLY and AHHNOLD were having a crap video game contest they both get PWNED by the muscles from Brussels.

Street Fighter the Movie (SNES, GENESIS, ARCADE) A game based on the movie that is based on a video game. It is like one of those movie within a movie movies, only worse.

Universal Soldier (SNES, GEN) another shit VanDamme film another shit VanDamme game.

Time Cop (SNES, GEN) Vandamme strikes again Makes me grateful that no Steven Segal films were ever made into a video game... Or where they?

Congo the game (GEN, SNES) A game based on a talking monkey jungle movie that I do not even remember what it was about.

Time Traxx (GENESIS, SNES) Not really a movie, but a game from the genre of Games based on obscure TV show only 5 people including myself remember watching.

Defenders of Dynatron City (nes) not really a shit game based on a movie, but a shit game based on a failed comic book line created by Steven Spielberg. Not everything he creates is GOLD kids.

Captain Planet and the Planeteers (NES, SNES GEN) for a game based on a cartoon preaching ecological responsibility, this was sure one big piece of toxic garbage that should have been slated for recycling.

How about...the mentionables

Cliffhanger (NES, GEN, SNES, SEGA CD) a mess of a game based on a passable Stallone action film.

Blues Brothers (NES, SNES) A game that is in the genre of desecration of a CLASSIC film. I can see the mindset around making a shit quick cash in to coinside with a hot theatrical release. But a game based on a film that came out 10 years before the NES even existed?

Gilligan's Island(NES) a shit game based on a TV show that was long canceled way before video games hit the streets. or their current players were even BORN.

The Three Stooges (NES) a WORSE idea, here's what kids like me wanted in the 1980's a game based on a series of short films made before their PARENTS were even born.

Alien 3 (SNES) Here is the rarest of beasts, A GOOD game based on a SHIT film. The NES version was garbage and the Genesis game was dull and mediocre. But the SNES game was actually a intelligently put together action adventure platformer with a open ended level design that required a certain level of strategic planning to complete the mission objectives.