Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Movies you need to see before you die, some you should never.

What you need to see.

Deliverance - Why? Because it is in the Library of Congress as a culturally relevant film. This John Boorman Directed Burt Reynolds film about hikers who explore nature and get into serious trouble is famous for the Ned Beatty "Squeal like a Pig Scene"

Listen to this.... WARNING PENIS!

This was Boorman's follow up to his award winning Deliverance. Good film to show to friends to see the looks on their face. A valid reason why you should never do drugs. Because you might greenlight a film like this.

The Deer Hunter - remember the Russian roulette scene from COD: Black Ops? It was taken from this film.

Heavens Gate -WHY? This is what the success of the Deer Hunter made possible.

So you can see for yourself why this film tanked United Artists.

HEAD the Monkees movie - WHY? It was created by the Monkees manager and Jack Nicholson (Yes that Jack Nicholson) while smoking a large amounts of WEED. It shows.

The movies you should never see, because viewing them will cause psychological harm.

E.T. The Porno - WHY? LOOK AT THIS PHOTO....

NO REALLY LOOK AT IT! Now imagine people having SEX with that? Actually don't. This film is not meant for human consumption. Who even thought this was a good idea?

Those Animated Titanic Movies. In Titanic the Legend Goes On... there are mexican mice and a rapping dog. If you think that is bad there are more of the like four to be exact. Might be more but I do not want to find out.

It's Party Time!

Star Odyssey - A italian made space film that was nothing more than to quick cash in on the popularity of Star Wars like ever other cash in before it. One notable thing, the film predated the Soprano's cut off ending by 20 years. As the film ends mid-sentence as the movie just gets bored with itself.

The one other movie besides Twilight: Eclipse that I want to bring physical harm to.

Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny - A really cheap kiddie matinee holiday film that is child abuse just to show to kids. A Sweaty Santa crashes in the now nonexistent Pirates World park in Florida and tells some horrid Thumbelina story while he waits for a deformed bunny in a red fire truck to bail him out. If you lose your mind and want to watch this turd, at least get the rifftrax video on demand.

Theodore Rex - The Whoopi Golderg sci-fi Dinosaur buddy cop film that I first saw on TNT at 3am after I got back to my DORM room from a night out. For a long time I actually thought my brain was making this shiz up.

The Baby Geniuses Films: Go ahead if you want to melt your brain.

I'll post up more when I think of some more.

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