Sunday, January 24, 2010

MTV Jersey Shore

I heard MTV had a new reality show, like that is really news. But people on the websites, news, daytime talk shows all were going on about Jersey Shore, Snooki, Guidos, whatever. So in order to be up to date on the current stupid pop crap. I decided to check jersey shore out.

I wish I hadn't...MTV really has outdone themselves, They found a group of people that manage to be more superficial than the cast of The Hills, including douchebag Spencer and Plastic Heidi.

The breakout star of this show is a "guidette" called Snooki, from what I observed is pretty much a 4 ft skank who likes fake tan guys who only care about getting ripped at the gym and going to bars. Forget about important things like, Call of Duty Modern Warfare 2 or a college education or learning something that will help you out into your old age. Just because you are ripped does not make you tough or strong. I know people in my NG unit with beer bellies who are much older than "the Situtation", trust me they have been through fare more serious "Situtations" that would have that tanned washboard cowering in a corner soiling himself.

In the first episode she was already having a drama queen tantrum fit, was late for work on her first day, A job selling t-shirts on NJ Boardwalk. Then she got punched in the face by a HS gym teacher at a bar. First of all I usually deplore violence against the female of the species and HS gym teachers. As they are the usual douchebags whose lives peaked being a HS jock who then Spend the next 25 years trying to relive their locker room glory.

At the same time I almost want to give this jack ass a medal, it is also Snooki's fault for going after guys like these. What do you expect to meet up with at a bar.
These people are just like the BO reeking vendors I see at the Gibraltar trade Center in Taylor MI, hocking bootleg crap and assorted JUNK.

Since Snooki is becoming the break out hit, I cannot wait until she gets her own celebrity fashion line, From what I see of her and that poof hair, will be a hilarious disaster bigger than heidiwood. While Heidiwood(Which was reviewed as "high priced hooker wear" that no grown woman should be seen alive in.) was sold at classy celebrity frequented Boutiques such as Kitson. Snooki’s fashion line will be more approximately sold at the skanky closeout clothing outlets at the aforementioned Gibraltar Trade Center in Taylor MI or any flea market/dirt mall.

Seriously every time I see a picture of Snooki or any of her housemates I start to smell Gibraltar Trade Center. Maybe that will be her perfume line, Dirtmall by Snooki, the scent that make you smell like leather, old books, and pizza that has been drying out under a warming light for 6 hours.

I thought that scent would be for the one of guys but, all of them probably wear Brut anyways. Brut does have an effect on the ladies…it drives them AWAY! I wore Brut once and I went through the same runny nose, eyes tearing up with skin on fire feeling that I would not experience again until the CBRN chamber at Ft. Jackson.

Finally, like Heidi Montag she will get a record deal which will be an album of derivative pop hits which are just her moaning, groaning and grunting over stock, R&B and Hip Hop beats… Can't wait.

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